I’m an artist who writes.
For 11 years, I wrote, designed, and published a zine, devoted to stories from my life.
The Last of the Flea Burden
An Oral History as Told to This Reporter by General Jingles
So many lives lost that day. On the first of this month, a midsummer morning, the killing began at a frantic pace. I remember it well. In just four hours, inert bodies numbered in the tens of dozens. Inert, though swollen with my nutrient-rich blood to twice their weight and size. Though armed with claws, teeth and reflexes as sharp as razors, I had been unable to stop their relentless attacks. Against an army of wee invaders, my naturally lithe form had been merely hulking and useless. Once again, my person offered my protection. One tiny taste, a quick swallow, then, peace. No more did they scurry, hidden from view, attempting a place to land their muscular lancet mouthparts. No more did their cunning saliva hide their bites and speed their feeds. No more did I scratch with urgency at itches without mercy. Credelio came. Credelio conquered.
Credelio. Tough on Ticks and Fleas. Easy on Cats.
< PROJECT: Credelio for Cats print/radio ad
Credelio was the first OTC oral flea and tick medicine for cats. For the product launch, I suggested a series of oral histories from the POV of cats who had suffered from infestation, then found relief with Credelio. The concept of oral histories also reinforced the medicine's oral administration. Here's an example.
Fat tastes good. More fat tastes better.
I once worked on an RFP for Hardees. This, my favorite idea, never left the war room. Years later, when Hardees debuted a surprisingly similar tagline (Go all out), I knew I had been a visionary. (fist shake)
I have a Master’s Degree in Conceptual Art, the art of the idea.
Many of my conceptual pieces are meant to be experienced - sometimes privately, sometimes publicly.
(excerpt from my forthcoming novella)
Setting: The marketing department of a successful company in the food industry. Not the east coast and not the west. Corporate America somewhere in-between.
Puns 101
I ran into Puns at the cafeteria salad bar. I tried to make small talk but, once he saw my face, he turned back to his plate in silence. An awkward few moments, standing there, waiting for my turn at the grated carrots.
Puns is quite a bit older and somewhat of a local legend, having been fired from nearly every true ad agency in town. It might have a little something to do with his writing style. I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard him praise the pun as the highest expression of creativity because both author and audience must have vast knowledge to fully comprehend the sophisticated word play. Sadly, surprisingly, his puns often have brows so low, they drag their knuckles and are covered in hair.
For example, Puns wrote these headlines for our nacho cheese flavored puffs: Hot and spicy like my son’s Mexican girlfriend and Enjoy the flavor of Tijuana without the risk of disease. This is classic Puns for breath mints in an easy-open package: Responds to touch – unlike my ex-wife.
Before I was hired, Puns filled in, writing ads and packaging copy for cookies and snack food products. Now, each time I receive a request for a minor edit to something he wrote, I feel morally obligated to women, children and people of color to entirely re-do his original. And I despise him even more.
I’ve learned to discuss this man and his work carefully and with great sensitivity around my boss and the food scientists. They love him, as if he is this company’s own Henny Youngman. Oh, that Puns! He cracks me up! Fortunately for the shareholders, the only ads this company buys are quarter-pages in magazines like Trailer Life and Versatile Hunting Dog.
Unfortunately for me, the client loves, loves, loves the campaign Puns wrote for one treat so much, she insists I use his original headline:
There’s nothing crummy about these cakes!
